IS GESTALT THERAPY "CHEMOTHERAPY" WITHOUT KNOWING IT ?

IS GESTALT THERAPY "CHEMOTHERAPY" WITHOUT KNOWING IT ?

Serge GINGER

Psychotherapists are often focused on psychological and psychosocial feelings and events, while most of our thoughts, feelings and behaviour are also conditioned by neurophysiologi- cal modifications and modifying them, day and night, in a kind of permanent systemic interre- lations.

This short article reminds some basic knowledge about brain functioning, neurotransmitters, Psychobiology of dreams, heredity, etc. and underlines the importance of such updated knowledge for every psychotherapist, and especially if he/she works with emotions and a body involvement.

Some simple examples are quoted of the implication of this weaving between body and mind, in an ordinary Gestalt Therapy session.

I would like to point out the practical and theoretical value, for us Gestalt Therapists, of keep- ing up to date with contemporary research in neuroscience. Indeed this research has, in just a few years, revolutionized our conceptions of the human psyche and today provides solid sci- entific foundations for the methods that Gestalt Therapy was already recommending intui- tively, several decades ago.

Today, the most recent work done in neuroscience makes it possible to better understand the phenomena which occur: any psychotherapy — as well as any learning, by the way — di- rectly affects our brain circuits, modifying the internal biochemistry of the brain as well as the production of hormones and neurotransmitters (dopamine and serotonin, adrenaline and noradrenaline, testosterone and endorphins, etc.). This is particularly true for psychotherapies involving work on the body or the emotions — such as Gestalt Therapy.

I’m often questioned by colleagues, especially by psychoanalysts, who don't take Gestalt Therapy seriously. In general, they know nothing about Gestalt Therapy theory, and are only aware of one or two "tricks.” However, they are forced to recognize the rapid — and lasting, sometimes spectacular progress of some of their former patients, some that they had treated, sometimes unsuccessfully, for many years (one third of our clients at the Paris School of Ge- stalt have previously undergone 5 to 15 years of psychoanalysis).

How can we explain to these colleagues, in a convincing way, these profound successes? A rapid look at the brain's psychoneurological processes seems to me to provide some clear and simple hypotheses. In this short paper, I will of course, limit myself to a general survey, illus- trated by a few summary examples, my sole objective being to whet your appetite for knowl- edge and leave you with some food for thought... The following information is a personal synthesis of about 120 books and the same amount of Journals, in French and English (around 40 000 pages)

Medicine and psychotherapy

We have just entered a third phase of the "peaceful coexistence" of medicine and psychother- apy:

In the beginning, psycho-therapy and chemotherapy (drug treatment) were seen as being op- posed, and most traditional psychiatrists smiled condescendingly at the claims of psychoana- lysts and psychotherapists, considering their methods "fashionable mundane pastimes": they only trusted drugs that had been properly tested in laboratories.

After the antibiotic revolution in infectious diseases, came the "neuroleptic revolution" in mental health care: a series of psychotropic molecules were developed which acted directly on the brain and modified behaviour (tranquilizers, antidepressants, stimulants, anti-

psychotics, etc.). In 1952, Henri Laborit introduced Chlorpromazine (Largactil)— which made it possible to gradually eliminate the strait jacket in psychiatric hospitals (it was re- placed by what was called, with some exaggeration, the "chemical strait jacket".) We know that since then, France holds the dismal world record for use of psychotropic drugs: Temesta (Lorazepam) has become the "aspirin of the psyche" and one and a half million French people today use Prozac (Fluoxetine). These new drugs, however effective they are, are not without harmful side effects (drowsiness, loss off initiative, memory loss and libido loss... or even suicide).

ln the second phase, psychotherapy and chemotherapy were associated: psychotherapy made it possible to prolong and extend the effects of medical treatment, while gradually the dosage was reduce. Conversely, chemotherapy made it possible to introduce a psychological ap- proach to treatment, relieving too strong anxiety or removing delirium.

But today we are entering a third phase: no longer opposition, nor mere complementarity, but now the identity of a dual process. Some psychotherapies are, it has been seen, "chemother- apy without knowing it". They bring about neurophysiological and biochemical modifica- tions, which are both rapid and lasting. As if a "natural pump" had been re-primed. The ma- jor advantage of this new phase is that drugs are strictly adapted to the individual and sponta- neously regulated every second by the organism... sometimes to the nearest thousand mil-

lionth of a milligram, just like our organism constantly monitors the level of blood sugar, iron, zinc (without which we would have no sense of smell), vitamins.

In fact, the administration of external medication could never claim to adapt to the subtle and permanent variations in the balance of hormone levels of every person. Every meal, but also every emotion, modifies this balance. Remember, for example, that passing a competitive ex-

amination can instantly double the level of testosterone in the blood, while an orgasm mul- tiplies by four the level of endorphins. Two blood tests, before and after five minutes of positive visualization, show an average increase of 53 % of the immune system!

So what arc the effects of a Gestalt session, with bodily enactment and emotional mobilization?

Gestalt Therapy, and in particular any modality with body involvement, could be thought of as "right brain therapy", reinstating intuitive synthesis functions and non-verbal language (fa- cial and bodily expression, artistic expression). We could also talk about "limbic therapy," thus returning to their rightful place life's six fundamental emotions: joy and sadness, anger and affection, desire and -fear, while not forgetting that the complex structures of the limbic

system control both the memory and the emotions:

An experience can be better memorized if a sufficient amount of emotion is aroused. (Simi- larly, a photocopier needs to be warmed up, before an image or a text can be recorded).

We learn better when we experience pleasure, desire or fear than when we are indiffert. Ge- stalt strategy aims to mobilize the client's deep emotion, so that the work done is permanently "engrammed" (recorded), thanks to a transformation (putting into form, or "Gestaltung") of the molecular structure. This is enhanced by a modification of the internal environment (ac- tion of neurotransmitters) which, in turn, affects the electric action potential of the cell and its membrane, allowing the opening up of new paths for nerve impulses.

Neurotransmitters

At each synapse, the electric nerve impulse is transformed into a chemical message through the secretion of neurotransmitters by miniscule vesicles. These neurotransmitters give an emo- tional "coloring" to all information thus transmitted. Today more than 70 of these neurotrans- mitters have been identified. Thus, for example, all kinds of desire (hunger, thirst, sex) and all kinds of pleasure (even artistic or intellectual) are correlated to three neurotransmitters:

• dopamine, associated with the tension of desire; • noradrenaline, associated with the excitement of pleasure; • endorphins, which bring about well-being and rest.

The same testosterone controls not only aggression, but also sexual desire (even for women). These two basic life instincts (survival of the individual, and survival of the species) are closely linked (they are placed alongside one another in the hypothalamus, separated only by the pleasure control area). In Gestalt Therapy, this proximity can be used, for instance, to de- velop failing sexuality, through playful aggression.

So Gestalt therapy mobilizes, in particular, the hypothalamic areas (expression of needs, here and now) and the frontal and pre-frontal lobes (integrative holistic approach, and assuming responsibility when making choices). In this way, it keeps these fragile areas of the brain ac- tive, thus preserving the brain’s youth and vitality, since in contrast to inert matter, living matter only wears out if it is not used. Unused neurons become oxidized, and quite literally covered with patches of something we could call "rust".

Similarly, and contrary to a widespread view, the growth of dendrites is not slowed down by aging... but by idleness! Nothing speeds up aging more than a retirement with no substitute activities! A baby that is not stimulated in the cradle will sit up at 21 months and not walk till it is three years old. In a hospital room, patients lying with a window open to the outside world, get well more quickly. In an enriched environment, rats live 50 % longer. In more general terms, change and chaos stimulate life (Prigogine).

The interactions are circular (in a feedback effect). Thus, vigilance stimulates the production of dopamine which, in turn, maintains or increases vigilance. “L'appétit vient en mangeant”, as we say in French, “appetite comes with eating”: hunger stimulates appetite — which stimu- lates hunger. Success produces testosterone, which favors assertiveness, competitiveness and decision-making — which themselves lead to renewed success.

These neurotransmitters function in antagonistic pairs. (This reminds us of the classic Gestalt theme of polarities). For example, the mobilizing, invigorating effect of dopamine, the neuro- transmitter of awareness, contact and desire, is countered by the calming and organizing effect of serotonin, the neurotransmitter of satiety, of regulation and mood organization. (Vincent, 1986).

Any psychotherapeutic action in Gestalt Therapy, will contribute to the natural balance of these various internal products. Too much dopamine and you have a cerebral "short-circuit" with excitement close to delirium (schizophrenia); not enough, and you have Parkinson's dis- ease, with slowing down and trembling. Too much serotonin and you have obsessive behav- ior, not enough and you have depression.

When you are losing control of your vehicle, there are two complementary ways of getting it back: you either slow the engine down (you reduce the production of dopamine) or put the brakes on (you increase the production of serotonin). Gestalt therapy sessions act at both these levels, either regulating vigilance and experimenting with a view to obtaining clarifying insight or increased well-being. The art of a therapist consists of pressing the right pedal at the right time, deliberately or intuitively, so as to favor renewed biochemical balance, which is subsequently regulated automatically by natural secretions.

The three "levels" of the brain

Gestalt Therapy interventions usually, follow the bio-logical order (present, past, future) and

not the chrono-logical order (past, present, future): we begin by paying particular attention to what is happening here and now, to the "how" of the relationship (attitudes, postures, sensa- tions and feelings, intonations, etc.); then, we possibly mention the client's past, based on his/her own spontaneously emerging associations; finally, we finish with short-term experi- mentation or projects.

In this we recognize here the three natural "levels" of the brain:

• the deep reptilian brain (diencephalon), which controls homeostasis in the present (balance of needs, temperature, hunger, thirst, etc. ), as well as survival instincts (it continues to func- tion during a coma);

• the intermediate limbic brain, which brings back memories from the past charged with emotion; it integrates conditioned reflexes and learning (from past experiences);

• the superficial cortical brain, which covers and controls all of this: it makes it possible to make choices and take decisions (responsibility and management of the future). During Ge- stalt therapy sessions, we regularly stimulate the faculty to make conscious choices; at all times, the client is invited to make autonomous choices and refusals.

Holistic therapeutic interventions constantly associate reptilian functions (needs), limbic func- tions (emotions and memory) and corticofrontal functions (awareness, experimentation, deci- sion making).

The ego function of the self integrates the needs of the id, with the background of the person- ality.

Heredity and Freedom. Nature and Nurture. Dreams.

Choices are not entirely "free": they are partially conditioned by our personality. Today we are aware of the important role played by hereditary predispositions: the genetic heritage of a newborn baby represents a sum of information that would constitute a library of 3 000 vol- umes, each of 300 pages. The pile would be twenty stories high! (Bourre, 1990). In a way, this is the newborn’s own personal program — which will, or will not be fulfilled.

lt is undeniable that we are born with definite predispositions (size, color of hair or eyes, health, intelligence, gifts for sports, music, drawing, contact; a calm or anxious temperament, optimistic or pessimistic, submissive or aggressive, etc.).

Thus, as the Orientals say, "all is written" (not in the heavens, but in each of my 60 000 bil- lion cells, from the tips of my toes to the hair on my head). The number of possible chromo- some combinations is such that it is mathematically impossible for there to ever be another being the same as me, from the Big Bang to the end of the world (except for identical twins, of course). 

This absolute originality of every living being is another theme that is dear to Gestalt therapists who are wary of any generalization about "normal" development or catego- rization of disorders.

But the fact that all is written does not infringe our freedom of choice, as we can decide not to stick to the text, just like an actor who takes the liberty of improvising. This deliberate con- struction of our own future — built from our available heritage — is one of the main goals of any psychotherapy. In spite of our genes and environment, we remain partly free and responsible:

What matters is not what has been made of me, but what I do myself with what has been made of me. 

(Jean-Paul Sartre)

"All is written....” But how shall we read it? We now know that, in fact, we re-read our pro- visional script every night, during our dreams. (This is the famous hypothesis of Michel Jouvet (1992), "genetic reprogramming").

We re-read it and "annotate" it, integrating into the memory of our species our own personal experiences: this secret "big book" of our lives thus becomes a personal log book or diary, contributing to our individuation. The original text of our genetic heritage is thus readjusted every day, according to our experience and the unique events of our existence: this is Ge- stalt's positive creative adjustment.

It is mostly during our dreams that we fix our memories, especially those which are emotion- ally charged (important experiences, positive or negative, of our lives or our therapy). Thus a rat, if deprived of dreams, loses a large part of its learning faculties. The same is often true for patients who undergo long periods of treatment with neuroleptic or antidepressant drugs — which reduce, or even eliminate, dreaming time. Prolonged deprivation of dreaming seems, incidentally, to favor the appearance of compensatory delirium of an aggressive or sexual nature, as well as bulimic tendencies (Picat, 1984).

This work goes on unconsciously at night, but it is prepared and continued during the day. This constant updating of our "program"—the integration of our experiences and the freely assumed responsibility for our own life plan — is indeed one of the objectives of Gestalt therapy.

We now know that we — like all matter — have three states: waking, sleeping and dreaming. The latter being as different from sleeping as it is to being awake: two-thirds of the right brain are mobilized (Jouvet, 1992), that is, the hypothalamus (needs), the limbic brain (emotions and memory), the cortical (images) and the frontal levels (synthesis, projects, visions), while the communication with the left brain (rational verbal analysis and logical criticism) is cut

off.

Thus, dreams seem to fulfil at least two opposed, but complementary, functions:

• they seem to be the “umbilical cord” of the species (Picat, 1984) — which gives us the

nourishment of our origins and enhances survival functions (aggression and sexuality); they also act as a "rampart against culture" (because our education tends to fight against these two natural instincts); 

• but they also seem to be a crucial individuation factor (that which makes me different from the next person), by taking into account my original experience (Jouvet, 1992); they would thus guarantee the integration of my individual memory into our collective memory

In this way, dreams coulds have the essential function of synthesizing the innate and the ac- quired. If this hypothesis were to be confirmed by research currently underway, it would con- firm that during dreams, the contents of our long term memory are permanently "engrammed" (written into the brain’s structures). In this case, if we wanted to avoid being "marked" by a psychological trauma, we could "erase" it before it was recorded, that is, before the next dream period, just as it is possible to erase instantly a message on the screen of a computer, before saving it permanently in the central memory of the hard disc.

We have successfully tested this hypothesis of mine on several occasions. An emergency psychotherapy session (i. e. before the first night), which makes it possible to de-dramatize a traumatic event by expressing the associate emotion seems, in fact, to soften the psy- chological blow (immediate ex-pression through an emotional debriefing avoids a lasting im- pression in the deep structures of the brain): the victims subsequently talk about this painful event with "reasonable" emotion, almost as if they had witnessed the scene as a "stranger" (Ginger, 1987).

The two hemispheres

The right hemisphere of the brain develops before the left hemisphere, while a baby is still in the womb. It is the center of global intuition, of synthesis, it is the "artistic" brain — which perceives things and situations immediately, without analyzing them, or even being able to name them. Our Western culture has attributed too much value to the left side of the brain, the center for speech, logical analysis and science, calling it the "dominant side" (As we know the nerve fibers cross over as they pass through the medulla: thus the left cortex controls the right hand. In part, this is the reason it is perceived as being dominant: the left side is linked to the majority right hand.)

In reality our deep, meaningful decisions are more often than not dictated by the right side (choice of a partner, of a religion, a politic party, a professional or leisure activity, etc.) and only rationalized afterwards by justifications from the left brain.

Gestalt therapy reacts against Western "cultural hemiplegia" (Ginger, 1987) by reinstating the functions of the right brain, which incidentally, enjoys privileged links with the limbic brain. The right hemisphere values that which is qualitative and subjective, and associated with the phenomenological — Face, body, movement in space, music, poetry, dreams. This is in con- trast to the left hemisphere’s connection with that which is quantitative and objective, associ- ated with behaviorism. The right side values emotions, desires, and the environmental context in a circular systemic approach in which all elements are interdependent. Meanwhile, the left brain controls, as we have seen, the objective scientific or numbered data, verbal language, the contents of the sentences rather than the mood of the conversation, the "text", not the "con- text", in a linear, time-based Cartesian approach.

Thus, those approaches like Gestalt Therapy (but also rebirth, bio-energetic analysis, pri- mal therapy, etc ) which use body or emotional mediation link the two sides of the brain more than verbal approaches such as psychoanalysis, transactional analysis, neuro-linguistic pro- gramming (NLP), etc. — if, of course, ample time is left for verbalization. This usually takes place after the body or emotional movement. In traditional therapies, verbal expression generally precedes the emotions and induces them. Putting things into words is essential, not for the short-term effectiveness of the therapy sequence, but for subsequent access to the traces of the experience in the brain. The words act as a key, or "entry code", but are not in themselves sufficient to open up new paths — unless they are accompanied by deep emotion (linked, for example, to a strong transference on the therapist).

Sex and the brain

Before ending these few reflections on our two hemispheres, it is important to note a wide- spread error perpetuated by the non-scientific press: many imagine that the right hemisphere is dominant in women, as they are considered to be more emotional. In fact, men get easily carried away, and frequently succumb to passion. Men are more emotional, but they hardly express their emotions. It is an uncontested fact that the right hemisphere is more developed in men — especially due to the effect of the male hormone, testosterone.

This explains why, statistically, men are more gifted in general for spatial orientation (me- chanics, expeditions,...), while women have a more developed left hemisphere, which facili- tates speech and time orientation, and they have more links between both hemispheres. The most plausible explanation is evolution: prehistoric men went off to hunt, silently following the spoor of their prey, while women stayed at home, in the cave, to ensure the rhythms of breast feeding, and family cohesion, via language.

From kindergarten, girls speak in average four times as much as boys. They have a 12-month lead on boys the same age at 6 years old, and are 18 months in advance at 9. The average length of a telephone call is 20 minutes for (French) women, and only 6 minutes for men. Also, women have developed their senses of hearing and smell: their hearing is twice as keen, and six times as many women have perfect pitch. Their sense of smell is twice as sensitive (more still at certain points in the menstrual cycle). Feelings have their own odors: desire, sadness, anger... or schizophrenia. Our vomeronasal organ (VNO), our sense organ for pheromones, influences our unconscious limbic brain without any conscious cortical informa- tion. We are unconsciously sensitive to a thousand million millionth of a gram of musk, i. e. one single molecule.

Testosterone has many effects: reaction speed, visual perception, attention, muscular devel- opment, domination instinct, conquest, etc.: it prepares men for hunting and fighting. Men are thus genetically programmed for competition (which means that the better male ensures the species' descendants) while women are programmed for cooperation and sharing (for chil- dren).

By way of a conclusion

Over the last fifteen years or so, I have been very interested in research in the field of neuro- science, and I have read more than a hundred books and numerous scientific reviews on the subject. How has this research gradually modified my day-to-day work as a Gestalt therapist?

I would like to answer this first with the aid of some simple examples:

• The clearly recollected trace of an experience, either in the daily life or in the framework of a therapy session, implies a "limbic opening up" to emotion; otherwise, the recording of the experience remains superficial and of short duration; therefore, I encourage entering into emotion.

• Since I have understood that all movement in space reactivates the right hemisphere — which is directly linked to the emotional limbic layers — I have no hesitation in having a cli- ent stand up and move around the room, making physical contact with objects, with myself, or with other clients (in the case of a group session).

• Another example: doing a drawing, standing up in front of a paperboard mobilizes the whole body and the right brain (synthetic and emotional), while the same drawing done sitting in a chair on a normal sheet of paper activates the left brain (analytical and rational), since it re- produces a physical situation with scholarly connotations. If the drawing done standing up is done in front of a group, the emotion is amplified even more and the result will be recorded deeply and lastingly.

• So, I often associate group therapy with individual work, as group therapy makes it easier to experience a wide range of personal and social situations — encouraging emotional expres- sion in the here-and-now of the session, as well as various forms of physical contact (ranging from therapeutic tenderness to aggression).

• The physiological interferences — linked to their anatomical proximity in the hypothalamus, between the zones controlling aggression, sexuality and pleasure — mean that often, I either combine or substitute these three emotions during a single session. Sexuality, aggression and creativity are linked, among other things, to the production of testosterone, the "conquest hormone" (in women, as well as in men).

• Women need intimacy to enjoy sexuality. Men need sexuality to enjoy intimacy. When a woman shares a problem, she needs mostly to be listened at, while a man tries to find a solu- tion through action. Such genetic trends must be honored during each therapeutic session.

• I alternate moments of awareness, stimulation and energizing — which raise the levels of dopamine, with moments of calmness or recapitulation — which stimulate the production of serotonin, regulator of the humor.

• As verbalizing enhances the anchoring and subsequent evocation — not explanation! — of an emotion experienced in the past or in therapy, at the end of a session, I often suggest that the client reformulates verbally, or gives a "title" to his work -— which will later act as a "code" to "open the file again".

• I do not hesitate in being provocative, for example in the form of "paradoxical injunctions" — in order to mobilize the frontal-cortical zones. The frontal lobe is particularly well devel- oped in the human species and allows an adapted decision to be made freely. Without this, a choice cannot freely be made. Any choice consists, in fact, of saying "no" to the rejected so- lutions. Victims of frontal lobe damage function almost automatically: you show them a bot- tle, they drink; they see a bed, they lie down on it; they see a pretty girl, they go up and talk to her.... They have difficulty resisting temptation, since their freedom to do so has been re- moved: they can no longer say "no".

• I frequently use enactment of imaginary, desired or dreaded situations, as I know that for the brain (cortical and limbic), there is no difference between a “real” image (which, in fact, is merely projected onto the various parts of the brain) and an imaginary image (visualized on our inner screens), which triggers off the same neurological processes (hence the effectiveness of visualization and psychotherapy — and the harmfulness of television violence). Thus a fantasy (desire or fear) "acts" on our cellular memory and is engrammed in the same way as an actual experience. (Hence, the frequent problems with false memories of sexual abuse .)

Finally, I have developed two personal hypotheses, deduced from my reading in the psycho- biology of dreams:

• Everyone dreams, for around 100 minutes every night (much more for pregnant women, who double their dream time to accompany the neurogenesis of the fetus — which dreams, at the same time as its mother (Picat, 1984), as of the 7th month of gestation... well before it has been able to repress any desire forbidden by the Super-ego (Freud). Everyone dreams, there- fore, but 8 minutes after the dreaming phase, only 5 % of people remember their dreams when they are woken up. The work of dreams, which Nature mainly planned to take place right in the heart of deep sleep, remains 95 % unconscious. I suggest the hypothesis that when we remember a dream, it is because it was not possible to see it through to the end "normal1y": it has not been fully digested. Hence the idea of working on it as an unfinished business and act- ing out what the end would have been, whether desired or dreaded by the dreamer, "if he had- n't woken up"...

• I have already related the way I will set up “emergency intervention networks” before the first dream period, in order to effect the partial dissolution of a psychological trauma in order to avoid it being fixed in the deep layers of the neurological unconscious.

These brief examples of clinical application of some neuroscientific research fit easily with the Gestalt therapeutic approach.

Right from the beginnings of Gestalt therapy, Perls, Hefferline and Goodman had underlined Man's "animal nature", the importance of the organic unconscious and of physiological ho- meostasis phenomena. For 50 years now, and especially since the considerable advances of the "brain decade" (1980-1990), research has confirmed a little more each day the close links between genetic coding, the transmission of neuronal messages, the subtle biochemistry of the brain, the immune system (based on the distinction between "ego" and "non-ego"), inner ex- periencing and outward behavior.

This research confirms all of the genial intuitions of the pioneers and it is now up to the new generation to continue the work of those who created Gestalt therapy in the light of experi- ence and of science.

Serge GINGER

Clinical psychologist, trainer in Gestalt Therapy, specialized in neurosciences since 20 years, Founder of the Paris School of Gestalt (Ecole Parisienne de Gestalt, or EPG) President of the International Federation of Gestalt Training Organizations (FORGE) Secretary general of the French Umbrella for Psychotherapy (FFdP)

Registrar of the European Association for Psychotherapy (EAP) Author of two bestsellers about Gestalt Therapy, translated into 9 languages:

• GINGER S. et A. (1987). La Gestalt, une thérapie du contact. Paris. Hommes & Groupes. 6th ed. 2000 (510 p)

• GINGER S. (1995). La Gestalt, l’art du contact. Bruxelles. Guide Marabout. 5th edit. 2001 (288 p)

THE ARCHETYPES OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

THE ARCHETYPES OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

Yaro Starak

 Gestalt Therapist and Director Terrigal Gestalt Institute, Australia

http://starak.blogspot.com

“Every man, experiencing as he does his own solitariness and aloneness, longs for union with the other. He yearns to participate in a relationship greater than himself. Normally he strives to overcome his aloneness through some form of love” Rollo May.

“If you are seeking, seek us with joy. Do not give your heart to anything else but the love of those who are full of Joy. Do not stray into the place of despair, for those are hopes, they are real, they exist. Do not go in the direction of dark. I tell you – Suns exist!”  Rumi.

Romantic relationships have been examined from as long ago as human beings came upon this planet. From the recent writings of Dr. Rollo May to the ancient poetry of Rumi, we can experience the ‘voice’ of longing for a Union with the Beloved.

I have always been interested in poetry. In school, as a child living in Venezuela, I was fascinated by the dancing girls when we had our ‘compulsory’ Friday party at the end of the school week. I began to write poetry about the girls moving gently to the Latin music and inviting the shy boys to dance. Novels and other books about romantic love were a way to hide my shyness and secretly feel the paradise of having a girl-friend. I did not know at that time that I was ‘taken’ by the god Eros. I was eager to unite with the feminine ‘soul’ the Greeks called Psyche. My longing was to meet the ‘other part’ as Paulo Coelho writes in his book “Brida”. In the story of Eros and Psyche, Eros moves from the sexual body beauty to the ‘soulful’ love; from immature erotic-sexual impulses to a meeting of lovers as depicted on the LOVERS Tarot card. It is the sacred marriage, the union of the two polarities: Consciousness, Intellect, rationality with the body, emotions, and intuition. The search for that union manifests itself in the dynamic interaction with man and woman.

However, what is happening in our current so called ‘modern’ times? This longing has developed into a plethora of sublimations that substitute authentic romantic love for artificial encounters on the internet. The word “safe” has achieved a new meaning: escapism. Escapism which has evolved into separation from families and couples, from community, from society and has finally turned into major depressive symptoms that are spreading like wild fire all over the western world.

Relationships are our primary learning experiences that begin at birth with the first look at another – a mother, to our final day as we expire and say the last word: “mother”. Relationships are ‘mirrors’ that reflect what is going on inside us.

Fritz Perls, one of the main originators of Gestalt Therapy, once said that everything is a projection. Projections are energies that come out of our unconscious or unaware state and which   C.G. Jung labelled as Archetypes. He proposed that such Archetypal energies are part of our Deep Self and also part of our Collective Unconscious. What is inside of us is also represented in the outside.

Romanic archetypal energies are powerful forces that generate Love, Intimacy, and Sexuality and they are the core of our longing to be with the other. For example, in recent years the quest for a sexually fulfilled love has grown to a point of a quasi-religion. People disillusioned about the teachings of the various versions of God, have adopted Romantic Love as the ‘ultimate’ commitment to one person (monogamy) or entered into the proliferation of sexual experiences that questioned all morality and all intimate boundaries.

The consequence was that true Romantic Relationships beginning with some light  ‘flirting’ that may have or not become a possible intimate contact were declared ‘sexist’ and so the natural urge to meet the other or that ‘poetic’ longing that takes several stages to develop was lost. Lost was the flirting as ‘sexist’; then the courting as ‘irrelevant’; engagement as ‘silly’ and ‘outdated’ and finally the union of marriage as a full time intimate, loving and mature relationship was overthrown by arranged pre-nuptial agreements promoting deep mistrust in authentic relationships.

As we know, the decline of religion and respect for the sacred in the West prompted a ‘sexual revolution’ that for a while became more powerful than loving and spiritual experiences in intimate relationships. However, the current ‘revival’ of spirituality may well be due to the fact that open-ended sexual experiences soon became an empty exercise and quite exhausting; or the fact that we saw the emergence of the modern plague called AIDS.

I was asked by the local paper in Brisbane to offer a workshop for the young men and women about Flirting. In 2005, the most popular way of ‘getting a date’ was on the Internet. I told the editor of the paper that the young people of today are too much in a hurry with all that ‘speed dating’ and internet searching for the ‘Ideal Psyche’. I suggested a workshop where people will meet face to face and participate in a group activity that will show them the traditional ways of contacting the ‘other’. The process is as follows: First, ‘flirting’ then ‘courting’, then ‘engagement’ and finally a ‘commitment’ to a marital life. The challenge for me was to face 19 young people all very keen to find out what exactly I was going to DO with the group. I began to explain the ancient meaning of ‘flirting’ – I said it comes from the French “fleurer” or to “flower”. Flirting, then, means: Connecting with and meeting others. Having fun and showing people you are interested in them. It is about feeling happy, joyful and excited about life. It is about making genuine contact and feeling attractive. Finally, one may take the ’flirting’ relationship further if it is mutually acceptable.

Then comes ‘courting’ – a phenomenon that began in the 12 century Europe, particularly in Provencal area of southern France and Spain. The word comes from then Arabic “courtesy”. Courting was the reversal of the dominance of the male over women. Young men considered themselves to be a ‘servant’ of the Lady of the court. Provencal troubadours took courting to a high poetic levels when they wrote about the impossible love for the high ranking ladies.  Courting then was a way of ‘serving’ the female energy by Amor, the god of erotic love but not yet consummated.  My workshop continued.

I spoke about young men coming to ‘court’ young women they met by flirting first and then take time to get to know them and share common values, thinking and experiences. After a time, the couple may agree to develop a more serious bond by getting engaged. Only later the mutual invitation was made to marry.

In the group, we acted out all the possible aspects of contact with the other and learned how to move on into the next stage of coupling. Most men and women attending the workshop discovered a wealth of possibilities and were amazed at how little they knew about this process of developing romantic relationships.

Romantic relationships (sensual, not sexual) offer neither the fast sexual highs nor the deep spiritual achievements hoped for by those who ‘discovered’ spiritual India. Romantic relationships promote the opportunity to become aware of deeper energies that emerge when one is in the presence with another – romantically or otherwise. Then the choice is there: to become fully ‘in touch’ with our inner fear of closeness, intimacy, vulnerability and risk and discover who we really are or learn how closed we are to the wealth of possibly in leading a full life.

Ancient Tao-ist and Hindu teachings offer us options of how to become open to various forms of romantic (sensual) relationships that have been developed over millennia. This is what they say:

Human beings are made up of a physical body, a mental body, an emotional body and a spiritual body. Having at least four options the ancient individual could explore one or all of the romantic ways of relating to the beloved. This will be developed later.

Recently, in a cover story about the four faces of romantic relationships, Dr. C. Ferguson (Boston U.) proposes four aspects of our romantic being. He calls them the four Archetypes of romantic relationships based on C.G. Jung’s research: Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual. All are aspects of our deeper longing for contact.

Since we are living in the ‘here and now’ or in the present state where our relationships unfold through contact, we long for and desire to authentically experience in the ‘here and now’ the energies of our true essence with another. The archetypal ‘faces’ that are available to us are the energies of Love, Acceptance, Harmony and Inclusion. I would add to these: Compassion, Respect and Humility. All are archetypal qualities that create that deep ‘connectedness’ of one person with another; or we can take this idea further from the person, we also are connected deeply with an animal, a plant, a sunset or anything outside ourselves.

I began my book about my life with a theme “What is Love”? A Spanish song set me on that journey: “Many know about Desire but few know about Love”. This means that many confuse love with eroticism(desire) because there is no love without Eros. Love is the final metaphor of sexuality. Its ‘cornerstone’ is freedom; the freedom to choose one person among others who are in our field and committing our love to that person with certain reciprocity. Love of mother, father, brother or sister are not - The Love. This love is more like piety. This is an ancient Latin word ‘pietas’ meaning: the virtue that moves us to revere, respect, serve, and honour God, our parents and our country. While desire is a temporary erotic or pleasant encounter with the object of desire. For centuries women were objectified and made ‘desirable’. Desire is pleasure, love is suffering.

Human love is the true union between two beings that are subject to time, age and its difficulties: change, sickness, death, loss, etc. Therefore love is tragic, painful and full of suffering. Yet we want exclusivity in love. We want to be special and at the same time feel that the other is also special. Without this condition there cannot be love. “Falling in Love” is a trance and in that trance state called love, there are archetypes present, energies that can take love into ecstasy or into hell.

Love is not beautiful but wants beauty, perfection of beauty. Beauty in love is the ‘desire’ to achieve full immortality, to transcend our human vulnerabilities. Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet drama is a good example of such love. In this play we can experience all the archetypes of romance that attract audiences until these days.

As we examine all the four major archetypes of romantic relationships, we need to keep in mind C. G. Jung’s advice: These are Universal energies that manifest themselves in human beings and tend to be both negative and positive in nature. We are now going to examine in more detail those four archetypal energies.

A)   The Physical Archetypal Face: This is our primal physical attraction to another. In making contact on this level, we may experience some sudden ‘electric’ current circulating throughout our body. This creates a physical sense or excitement that is attractive like one magnet to another. This excitement or magneto-electric current in our body is the energy of the LOVER Archetype. On a deeper level, the Lover seeks an authentic encounter with another that is represented by trust, oneness, unity and security.

The poet Rumi is an excellent example of the human manifestation of the Lover. He writes:

           “Every wonderful sight will vanish

Every sweet word will fade

But do not be disenchanted

The Source they come from is eternal

Growing, branching out, giving new life

And new Joy!”

 The Way of Passion

B. The Mental Archetypal face: Romantic feelings and sensations at this level emerge from our past experiences, our beliefs and values. Our beliefs structure our view of reality and our values ‘prescribe’ the relative importance of something. Thus, the two people meeting may be guided by what they have in common, how they think about things, how they ‘resonate’ with each other and what values they may be sharing (eg: religion, status, language, culture, class, etc.) Yet the hidden energies that are not expressed may be fear of intimacy, closeness, introjections, vulnerability and so on.

Minimising such ‘negative’ archetypal energies with flexibility, patience, truth, honesty, wisdom, understanding and inspiration will enable the partners to grow in harmony. However, whether we do ‘grow’ with our partner or not, our beliefs may change and we may develop or just do our ‘own thing’ as always. Yet we do get some sense of self, because all contact is a mirror for us, of who we are and such ‘mirrors’offer an opportunity to change.

The Archetypal image of this stage is the MAGUS. In the Tarot cards, the Magician is described as a skilled and clever persona who can perform rituals and call out energies of fire. Fire transforms what is added to it. This Shaman (Man of Knowledge) can transform water into steam, clay into brick and fire into ashes. The Magus is the embodiment of conscious mind that knows how to ‘manipulate’ the physical world.

C. The Emotional Archetypal Face: The emotional, romantic energy represents the search for an authentic experience inside oneself and with the ‘other’. Some call this ‘desire’; others call it ‘love’. However, many confuse desire for love and enter into what they experience romantic relationships that fill their desires and pleasure but soon lose that feeling and search again and again. This generates a plethora of emotions.

Ideally emotions tend to expand our consciousness and help us to align ourselves with the other giving expression to the qualities of enthusiasm, humour, beauty, hope, abundance, compassion, respect, humility, peace, joy, and clarity of vision. By coming into contact with those emotional energies we seek to co-create our mutual dreams, our optimal environment in order to feel good and be happy.

The archetypal image representing the manifestation of this energy is the GODDESS- the fertile Earth-mother. By her nurturing femininity she helps give ‘birth’ to creativity, abundance, joy and unconditionally offers her love to all her children. She brings dreams to fruition and brings forth a world where Intuition and Logic dwell in harmony.

D. The Spiritual Archetypal Face: The spiritual romantic energy represents the search for the ‘transcendent’ state of being with the ‘other’. It is a culmination or the integration of the previous three archetypal energies. The spiritual romantic relationship transcends time, space and acknowledges our connectedness as human beings with something more than ourselves. This opens the door to Soul-centred romantic relationships that is experienced and expressed in many different and creative ways. Here we are guided by the deeper archetypal energies of true love, acceptance, harmony and union with a higher oneness.

The Archetypal image representing this spiritual energy is the Hindu SHIVA and SHAKTI. “Only when Shiva is united with Shakti does the power to create can manifest” say the ancient Vedas. This is the ultimate romantic- spiritual union between the two archetypal energies of the Masculine and Feminine principles or Yin and Yang as they are called in the Tao Chinese practice.

This spiritual romantic tradition has also been called TANTRA. In the West it is mostly understood as ‘sacred sex’ but in India it is considered only one aspect of the union of two energies whose aim is to achieve a spiritual union here on Earth. Tantra is the concrete manifestation of the Divine energy of the Godhead. This energy, in the case of romantic relationships, seeks to ritually channel the two energies in a creative and emancipatory way.

In India the Tantra rituals of union with Shiva and Shakti energies come from the ancient customs written up in the sacred scripture called VEDAS. They are the oldest scriptures that reveal the true knowledge about living a good, healthy and happy life.

As a young man, and a shy one, I was fascinated by the stories of Indian and Japanese drawings of couples making love. The books were full of stories about emperors and noblemen trained in the art of lovemaking to have the energy of passionate sexuality well into their old age. They often had twenty or more women in their harem and all of them were kept sexually satisfied. In the ancient lovemaking text like the Kama Sutra was considered in our western world a pornographic book. However the true origin is as follows:

“The author of the `Secrets of Love' was a poet named Kukkoka. He composed his work to please one Venudutta, who was perhaps a king. When writing his own name at the end of each chapter he calls himself `Siddha patiya pandita', i.e. an ingenious man among learned men. The work was translated into Hindi years ago, and in this the author's name was written as Koka. And as the same name crept into all the translations into other languages in India, the book became generally known, and the subject was popularly called Koka Shastra, or doctrines of Koka, which is identical with the Kama Shastra, or doctrines of love”.

In the Chinese Taoist texts that I began reading only recently, it is written that the emperor should make love to nine chosen consorts every night. He is to progress from the lower ranks and then to the higher ranks. The old texts say: “Retaining his semen by proficiently dealing in the art of love, the emperor concentrates his powers within. Then, at the full moon, he gives his seed on the Queen of Heaven”. A child born from such a ritual was to have magical powers. I was in awe and wanted to know what was the way of love in China.

                                                                                  

 IS THERE A WAY?

Many teachings propose two basic ‘ways’ of seeking the truth: one is to become a follower of a teacher who has ‘been there’ and the other to ‘discover the ‘Way’ by one’s own experience. I propose a combination of the above based on the teachings of the ancient TAO.

The ‘New Age of Aquarius’ brought many so called new ideas and practices that promoted a ‘new’ consciousness in relationships. One was the concept of ‘High Monogamy’ that has been gaining popularity manly due to the AIDS epidemic. It challenges people in romantic relationships to transcend the so called “romantic egoism” while from the far East came the revival of Tibetan and Hindu Tantric sexual practices that combine a close relationship to a partner with a gradual and mutual spiritual development through specific practices. Unfortunately, currently Tantra practice has been re-defined in the literature of the West as a way to achieve better orgasm leaving out the long tradition of authentic spiritual rituals and discipline. However we often ‘know’ more about what and who we are from the vast media available today than from a deeply experienced encounter with ourselves and the ‘other’.

One of the most significant emerging ‘secret’ sexual practices comes from the ancient Chinese ‘way of life’ called THE TAO. It is not a religion, a philosophy or a cult. It was developed some eight thousand years ago in China. The main scholars who dedicated their life to the study of the principles of ‘Tao’ were Lao Tzu, the keeper of the imperial library and who came from Tibet, Chuang Tzu, who wrote about the “Refinement of Energy and Perfection of Spirit” He was one of the most influential developers of Zen Buddhism in China and master Confucius, who focused more on social conditions in China. 

The ancient Taoists developed a clear practice where a couple (or a monk) could cultivate the Tao (The Way) while remaining fully active in worldly life. They did not promote celibacy in monks as a spiritual goal but proposed a ‘middle path’ whereby harmonious relationships (not only romantic ones) would lead to longevity, physical and mental health and spiritual attainment.

But what is the real purpose of esoteric sexuality or spiritual Tantra? Where can we find the real knowledge and practical instructions in those matters? How can we apply the rituals of romantic relationships in today’s ordinary life and relationships? And how can we really understand the Spiritual Archetypes when they are so far removed from the larger religious dogmas, fundamentalism and misinformation available in the popular media?

The answer to those questions are found in the study and aware management of our sexual energies or, as the ancient called them ‘the elixir of life’. They are now available (and are not secret) in the life-affirming traditions of the TAO. Tao-ism presents us with practical perspectives that answer the above questions. The ancient Chinese masters observed that the sexual- life- elixir is closely related to ongoing physical and mental health. It also was a way to cultivating our higher spiritual faculties. They were successful, in a real way, in increasing longevity, health and harmony in relationships between sexes and provide a means of spiritual transformation.

While in the so called West, the religious traditions evolving form the cultures based on “The Book” – Christian, Moslem and Hebrew, fixed sexology in rigid moralistic dogmas and over many centuries conditioned most people to the notion that sexuality is bad or sinful to the extent that it is almost impossible for a majority of people today to grasp the essential meaning of the workings of sexual archetypal energies.

In a ‘nut shell’ the Chinese ancient Taoist practice teaches that:

1. The male is constitutionally less adequate to the female with respect to sexual capacities. Therefore the woman has the capacity and the intuition to instruct the man in romantic relationships.

2. The man must develop a specific method or discipline of having sex without ejaculation. Particularly as he grows older.

3. The so called ‘battle of the sexes’ that has created so much violence, abuse and other forms of destructive relationships has been considered by the Taoists an interplay of the dynamic Yin(feminine) and Yang(masculine) forces that are creative energies expressing a playful interaction between sexual ‘adversaries’, similar to the Hindu tradition of the Dance between Shiva and Shakti.

4. Sexual energy aided by the four Archetypes of Romantic Relationships can be transformed into active spiritual development creating peace and harmony in the world.

I was amazed that the notion that sex was sacred according to the ancient texts; it was a very attractive notion to me. Lovemaking was sacred and it had long term results. I found that the word ‘sacred’ is not used as something out there, in heaven, but a real, authentic contact with the ‘other’. I was fascinated and ready to experience such a practice – love, sex, eroticism as spiritual experiences. I found a partner that was willing to share with me this practice and we were both amazed at the results. Here is what I discovered as a man. I am not willing nor able to speak for the woman.

• Making love can be a meditation where two are sitting jointly and sensing each other’s presence. Yin-Yang energy exchange.
• Creating a special space and love rituals that will offer the couple’s mutual love to the universal Love.
• Sitting opposite each other and making a serious devotion to the goddess and god within.
• Practicing the Tao methods of ejaculation control in the man.
• Developing personal practices of lovemaking dedicated to the union of Shiva and Shakti.

Finally I found that sexual ecstasy happens when I am so completely absorbed in the richness of the present moment that nothing else exists only “I and Thou”.

Useful web pages:

http://www.ship.edu/~cgboeree/may.html   Rollo May

http://www.chebucto.ns.ca/Philosophy/Taichi/lao.html) Tao

http://www.spiritwatch.ca  Relationships

http://www.psy.dmu.ac.uk   Rollo May

http://www.khamush.com/   Rumi

http://www.cgjungpage.org   C.G. Jung

http://www.ahpweb.org    Humanistic Psychology resources.